Mulut dan hati

Baru-baru ni terjadi suatu peristiwa dalam hidup.
Yang mana membuatkan aku berfikir.
Manusia ni memang bermacam ragam kan?

Adakah yang muda memang perlu sentiasa tunduk pasa yang tua?
Bila yang tua salah, yang muda pulak kena minta maaf?
Aku macam nak tergelak pun ada.

Mulut tu melambangkan hati kita. Dan vice versa.
Ya memang, bila hati dah sakit mulut pun akan mengikut sakit.
Macam bila kita rasa marah, terus je hambur. Tu kalau takde iman la.
Kalau ada iman fuh fuh sabaaarrr.

Jadi bila mulut tu jahat, itu kan tandanya hati tak bersih.
Muka selalu masam takde seri, tu pun tanda hati tak bersih.

Tapi aku hairan.
Ada manusia yg:
Aku mulut je jahat tapi hati baik!
Tiap manusia nak tegur ada caranya!

Lepastu.. Dia kata pulak
Walau macammanapun, be nice.
Support each other. Etc2 nasihat dia punya panjang berjela.
But when it comes to that person on the receiving end of the advice, the previous comment comes out.

I just don't understand.
You are cynical, but expect people to be nice.
You are sarcastic, but hope people to respect you.
You expect people to change but never change your ways.

How does that work?

It has nothing to do with what generation you are. Gen x gen y.
You are human and expected to treat others with respect another human deserves.

Bukannya oh you're young, you know nothing, I know more than you.
Why should I apologise? Never!

As for me, I know I am less than perfect.
I know that sometimes my appearance belies me.
I know I may not be the best representation of this deen.
Stress always gets the best of me and people around me get the brunt of it.
But where is your empathy?
Your love and compassion that you ask for so much and claim I lack?
If I am lacking so much, why won't you show me instead of throwing more and more negative vibes?

Anyhow.  I try. Everyday. It's an uphill battle. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.
I am sensitive. I tend to get hurt easily and sometimes keep a grudge.
Controlling my emotions are sometimes overwhelming.
And I shut it out by appearing as if I am unfeeling.
But I know that, and I am trying.
Being with positive people has helped me immensely.

Whilst you? You never change, don't want to, as stubborn as stone,
but ridicule me and who I am.
What I do. And take it out on my family.

I sure do pray you find peace instead of taking it out on everyone, and reflect on yourself.
We al need to do that.

And before judging people for what they say online, try to make a real effort to be present in their life.

Sometimes we expect too much from others while we are the ones who are lacking in effort.

I see that everyday with my husband, when sometimes I get angry, in retrospect, I realize that he has done so so soo much for me, his wife, that I have not appreciated. And that makes me want to make it up for all the times I haven't been thankful.

Be thankful and I will increase you. Allah says that in the Quran.

That is my favorite ayah from the Quran and what constantly keeps me going....

May this Ramadhan give us solace... With His Forgiveness and Mercy.

Sorry for the bad english. I will edit when I have the time hee.

Please pray for me jazakallahu khayran katheera.

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~

The Doctor

Assalamualaikum anddddd hello. It's been such a long time (I say this every time, don't I? LOL)
But yeah, the fact is I don't have time to write. Or maybe I think that my plate is already full now and I love the sleep I get more. Asiyah Amni is crawling all over the place now, and whenever she sees a laptop all she wants is just to bang on it. Or close it. Sooo writing while she's awake is so not happening.

I digress. Anyway, alhamdulillah, finally I'll be graduating soon, early next month. I can't believe now how stressed I was of being left behind, that I considered quitting. But only in my head, deep down in the darkest place in my heart. But I told myself that the end was just soooo close, sometimes you don't realise it until you finally reach it. That's what I keep repeating to myself. All those bad, negative thoughts are just a sign of how weak our imaan is, how little faith we have in Allah and ourselves. And fighting those inner demons are what makes you human. Alhamdulillah, I made it.

And I have a little girl here with me, how amazing is that? MasyaAllah. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Looking back, eventhough I kept getting sick while pregnant, choosing to taking a break from my studies which few could understand... I did feel all alone. No one was going through what I did. My batchmates who were pregnant as well, their pregnancies weren't like mine. They were able to finish sooner than me. But you know, fate has a way of creeping back at you. When I look back, either way I wouldn't have been able to finish sooner. And it's fine because we all have our priorities. No one is the same and only we know best about our life.

All you got to do is be strong, keep a close connection with the Creator. stay positive always.
Whatever He put you to, He'd bring you through...

I'm going to officially be a doctor soon... and the weight is bearing down on me.

May Allah ease our paths, and should we ever go astray, may His love guide us back to His path.

my little girl, just a bit over a month old, in my arms, on the way back to Bandung.

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~


Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

MasyaAllah, sudah terlalu lama rasanya blog ini ditinggalkan. Entah masih ada yang sudi membaca atau tidak. Yang pasti... semenjak dua menjak makin terasa perlunya untuk update blog yang satu ni

Hari ini. 20 Ogos 2014. Sudah genap enam tahun berkelana ke bumi Bandung. Daripada sendiri sudah bertiga sekarang. Teman-teman seperjuangan kebanyakan sudah pulang ke pangkuan keluarga di Malaysia.. Aku masih di sini, meneruskan perjuangan hingga ke titik-titik terakhir.

Dan aku terkenang kembali saat-saat setelah melahirkan. Kawan-kawan dah pergi ke hospital luar, dan ujian akhir, dah mula magang. Aku pula sebulan setelah melahirkan baru pulang, dan perlu menghabiskan sisa enam minggu koas di Radiologi dan Anestesi sebelum boleh menduduki ujian akhir dua bulan lagi.

Semangat memang merudum sangat masatu. Down down down and down. Tapi teruskan saja. 
Adik-adik tanya kenapa masih kat sini? Kenapa tak habis lagi. Senyum, jawab saja. Dalam hati, menangis~

Kemudian ditambah berurusan dengan fakulti untuk menentukan bila dapat menduduki ujian... Bagai digantung tak bertali...

Koas dah selesai, peperiksaan belum ambil lagi. Bila nak magangnya macamni. Tambah stres.
Tapi cuba juga positifkan diri, anggap as percutian... sambil tu menjaga si kecil yang bermacam ragam itu.
Tapi terdetik juga di fikiran... bila dah terlalu lama menunggu, memang ada perasaan nak quit! MasyaAllah. Padahal dah nak habis, cuma tinggal ujian... Betapa melayangnya semangatku waktu itu... rasa sungguh tak berdaya. Nak belajar pun tak semangat sebab tak tahu bila ujiannya.

Dan dalam penantian itu, pulang sebentar ke Malaysia untuk aqiqah anak saudara baru di Johor Bahru.
Sehari setelah pulang ke Bandung, ayahku pula jatuh sakit. Serangan jantung... Terlalu kepenatan drive dari JB ke KL, dan rupanya ayah tak makan ubat DMnya sepanjang dua hari di sana.

Aku minta izin suami untuk pulang menziarah ayah... Buat emergency ERP, beli tiket. Khamis aku pulang.

Hari aku direncanakan pulang, mendapat khabar dr teman, Jumaat mahu judicium. Allahuakbar.....
Aku cuba ke PSPD, minta izin ke koordinator. Tak dapat jumpa beliau, cuma menitipkan ke sekretarisnya.
dan jawapannya- Pokoknya besok judicium, dan semua wajib hadir.

Beliau koordinator baru, dan memang strict. Sebelum ni, tak ada masalah kalau tak datang juducium, asal sudah izin.

Maka burnlah tiketku, dan emergency ERPku.

Aku mahu saja marah ke doktor, langsung tiada hati budi... Siapalah aku. Dan sewaktu judicium juga tidak ditanyakan perihal ayahku....

Cuma 15 minit. Dan aku bisa saja berada di Malaysia waktu itu.

Syukurlah ayah tidak apa-apa.

dan alhamdulillah ujian akhir, minggu depannya dipermudahkan.

dan drama seterusnya magang pula... nanti jelah sambung, biiznillah. Banyak sangat drama tak cukup satu post.


ps. tulisan macam budak sekolah je hohoho

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~

Welcoming of Asiyah Amni Part 2

Yes I guess I promised to continue about my last post.

My doctors have been discussing about having me induced sinced I was 37 weeks along. Since my first checkup, when the doctor found out that my baby was small for her gestational age.

So finally at my last checkup @ 39 weeks, I was to be induced later that night.

We checked in at the hospital an hour later than supposed to, at 10pm. Before that, we sent my in laws to the airport for their convention at London.

My parents already arrived, waiting for us. I saw my dad's face, he was worried but trying to hide it with a smile. When he found out my baby was small, he kept asking me to eat. :,( I know he was worried, while I was almost depressed and couldn't care about anything other than myself. May Allah forgive me...

After waiting at the lobby, with husband settling the administration, I was told to go upstairs for the ctg. I just went, thinking that I'd have time to say goodbye to my parents n sister. It turns out I was directly admitted to the ward. Then, the husband called my family and they said their goodbyes.. My father said that the baby would come out at Subuh. I laughed, saying that primigravidas always have a long labor... Then they went home, wishing me luck. Ayah left me some water that he recited with Quran. 

I changed clothes, perfomed solah with husband at the surau then returned to my bed. At 12am sharp, the nurse came for my first dose of prostaglandin. It really hurt :,( Then she told me to rest, not go to the toilet for two hours. I slept.

At about 4am, I woke up with some pains and went to the toilet. After that, the pain became more and more intense. Kind of like menstruation but doubled, tripled and quadrupled. I couldn't sleep anymore. I tried to keep breathing regularly in between contractions. Then, amidst the pain, I heard a pop sound. It sounded like my knee popped out of place. But of course there was no pain... After that, I felt a gushing of water, and I thought blood also. I woke husband again, to help me to the toilet.

When I returned to bed, I saw blood and amniotic fluid on the bed. No wonder the pain was becoming worse. I was shaking and holding back tears the whole time.. I think at that time my contractions were coming, one wave after another. I tried to count the time between each contraction, and sometimes there was only ten seconds between contractions. Sometimes, I felt wave after wave coming simultaneously. Just as I was trying to breathe after one, another came. Finally, I cried. Once. Then, I couldn't find the strength to cry.. I was so weak, I couldn't move my hands. Husband held on to my held, lending me some strength.

I think at 5am, the nurse came. She checked my opening, she said it was only 2-3cm. I wanted to faint. Then she brought the ctg. I think it was broken or something, she took a really long time with it. At some point a nurse inserted a branula. All that time I was full of contractions, which were becoming stronger each minute. At one point, I couldn't take it anymore and asked for an epidural. We didn't know how much it cost, so my husband went to the nurse station and ask. No one was around, so he returned. And I asked him to go find someone. He just repeated 'apa? apidural?' 'EPI. EPIDURAL' I really wanted to throttle him at that time. haha. So he went downstairs, asked at the reception. About RM800. I asked 'boleh tak?' He said 'Boleh'. I guess he was so hopeless, unable to help me with my labor pain...

Then around 6am a doctor came to check up on me, since I asked for an epidural. She checked, '7-8cm. Dah tak boleh epidural dah sekarang. Tolak ke labor roomlah sekarang.' And I was 'Alhamdulillaahhh alhamdulillahhh cause I didn't think I could hold on much longer. Then an nurse intern said 'Sabar ye puan, sikit je lagi. Kita masuk labor room, puan bagus progress cepat' 

So with my contractions, I got up, forced myself to walk to the wheelchair. At that point, I was just trying to hold on for just a little bit longer.

At the labor room, 6.30 am, the nurse strapped me on to the ctg, then they went to call the doctor. I was lying sideways, then the nurse asked me to lie down. Sooo easy to say when I could hardly move. I did it anyway, pushing myself down on the bed when I felt the pain come, trying to stay put. It hurt so much, I just tried to ease it with istighfar. Huhu.. I could cry just remembering those moments. I prayed for a quick delivery... I asked Allah, I didn't mind if the pain was so bad as long as it was for a short period. And Alhamdulillah Allah granted me this wish... Let the pain wash away all my sins...

I  think I pushed before I was supposed to, I felt a strong pressure downward and started to strain. Then I tried to control it, although I think I failed :/
The nurse came, she said she could see the baby's head, and told me to push slowly. I pushed hard-.- then the baby's head was out, and needed one final push. So I closed my mouth, tried to focus and pushed, ran out of breath, the nurse asked to push more and I scolded her, 'Sabarlah, nak ambik nafas!' haha. And she was ' Oh. okay okay' The senior nurse was calm, smiled and said 'Takpe, takpe' So I took that breath, pushed once more and I heard the baby cry :') The nurse showed her to me, then I said 'Mana, tak nampak!' haha emo betul. So she brought her to me. She was so beautiful.

I heard her cries from the warmer, so loud and strong. Alhamdulilah. 
Then the nurse came and did some stitches, meanwhile husband went to perform solah.Then I was brought upstairs back to my room. And I slept until 9 am. 
When we reached upstairs, I said to my husband, Ana nak solat Subuh. Ana nak solat buat apa? He said. haha.

Ok cukuplah tu. In case I become senile, I'll have this to remember insyaAllah. Sorry if there was TMI. 

Do I want another child? Biiznillah, if Allah wills...
Lets appreciate our mothers more, they fought a battle just to bring us into this world. I know I did. But I wouldn't change a thing.
If there is anything I believe, it's that life teaches us. Allah teaches us. 
That's tarbiyah.
We live in this life so we could sow in the afterlife.

May Allah give us strength.
May Allah give me strength to be a good mother, to teach my daughter to become a good abid and khalifah. To learn that life has a purpose. Biiznillah!
May she become as strong in faith like Asiyah, the wife of the Pharoah.

Ameen, ya Allah...

gambar takde kaitan. :P

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~

Welcoming of Asiyah Amni to this world


Sedar tak sedar, dah berbulan-bulan meninggalkan blog terbengkalai... Hasrat hati nak update, namun kesibukan melandaaa.. Dan bila tak sibuk, badan pula menuntut hak untuk berehat.. 

Hmm, sejak jadi ummi ni, memang banyak adjustment kena buat.
Dan kondisi diri pula dah tak berapa kuat berbanding dulu.

Allah bagi satu nikmat, dan tarik pula satu lagi...
Sungguh. jiwa kita benar-benar dalam genggamanNya.
Moga Allah selalu melindungi kita, dari azab kubur dan azab api Jahannam, dan dari  fitnah al-Masih Dajjal, fitnah kehidupan dan fitnah kematian.

Mungkin mahu berkongsi sedikit tentang kehidupan sejak setahun yang lalu, pasca nikah..

Surah al-Ahqaaf 46: 15

Dan Kami wajibkan manusia berbuat baik kepada kedua ibu bapanya; ibunya telah mengandungnya dengan menanggung susah payah dan telah melahirkannya dengan menanggung susah payah. Sedang tempoh mengandungnya berserta dengan tempoh menceraikan susunya ialah dalam masa tiga puluh bulan. Setelah dia besar sampai ke peringkat dewasa yang sempurna kekuatannya dan sampai ke peringkat umur empat puluh tahun, berdoalah dia dengan berkata: Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah daku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatmu yang engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redhai; dan jadikanlah sifat-sifat kebaikan meresap masuk ke dalam jiwa zuriat keturunanku. Sesungguhnya aku bertaubat kepadamu dan sesungguhnya aku dari orang-orang Islam (yang tunduk patuh kepadamu)

Alhamdulillah... sebulan setelah nikah, aku disahkan hamil. Walaupun sebenarnya diri sendiri yang sahkan ;) Kebetulan waktu ke klinik untuk konfirmkan, dr O&G takde, cuma ada bidan je. Dan pemeriksaan sama yang dilakukan bidan- urine test.

Kemudian sewaktu kandungan 6 minggu, kami ke doktor O&G, doktor lakukan TVS dan baru kelihatan kantung dengan degup jantung baby :) Subhanallah, tak tergambar perasaan. Cuma agak spoil sebab doktor agak 'cold' dan terlalu methodical. Be happy with me please.. It's my first child..huhuhu. Cakap dalam hati aje.

Sewaktu kandungan masuk 7 bulan, aku pulang ke Malaysia.. dan disitu bermula sedikit dramanya. Sewaktu perform MGTT, fasting glucose tinggi, disuruh perform BSP, dan disahkan ada GDM. Sewaktu repeated scanning, baby continuously 2 weeks behind EDD. :( 
Dari klinik Ajwa, aku direfer ke UMRA.

*Please stop asking why I chose UMRA not government hospital... My husband wasn't around and I didn't want to make things harder for my mother to bring me to perform antenatal checkup at PPUM every week (since I had GDM) plus UMRA had a good record and was still affordable, I wanted a place where my husband could accompany me plus is it bad if I wanted some privacy? >.< )
Sometimes people just don't know how to respect other people's choices, who don't have the same reasoning as you... It was stressful enough dealing with the complications of my pregnancy, I didn't need any more negative vibes :(

Ok maaf atas curhat.
Di UMRA aku disuruh datang dua kali seminggu sebab baby kecil, doktor risau whether IUGR atau cuma SGA (small for gestational age) ditambah lagi dengan GDM ku... Kata doktor GDM boleh buat baby terlalu besar atau terlalu kecil.

Cumanya.. Bila buat doppler, normal je blood flow to fetus. Jadi doktor kata maybe SGA, dengan pilihan induce bila ketuban turun/ bila dah masuk 38 weeks, iaitu lepas raya Haji. Aku dah mula risau, sebab suami belum pasti dapat balik waktu tu. Jadi doktor pertimbangkan 39 weeks, tapi tak boleh tunggu term. 

*Sejujurnya waktu ni kerja nangis je... and yes I think that may have had some effect to the baby, asyik risau bila tak rasa movement baby... Nangis bila rasa alone dengan pregnancy ni.. *tearful again*
Bila kenang balik, lemah sungguh waktu ni. Sungguh bodoh, kerana Allah sentiasa bersama... Astaghfirullah.. astaghfirullah.. astaghfirullah...

Dengan kondisi lemah waktu tu, dengan ketiadaan suami, memang susah untuk counter doktor waktu tu, even though I know the baby's just small, I'm small and shorter than most, what's the problem kan.. and I did consult with a friend who did say it's normal... No need to induce if liquor is normal.
Yea.. mungkin dah terbiasa dengan 'doctors know best' 
InsyaAllah I'll do better kalau diizinkan hamil lagi... 
Just to let my baby grow and gain a few more weight reaching the end of pregnancy...

Alhamdulillah at 39 weeks, pagi tu 'serah diri' ke doktor, already experienced bloody show, and bila check opening dan dilated 1cm with soft cervix. 
Dr suggest induce malam nanti with one dose and see how it goes, if needed bagi second dose.
Aku mahu menunggu normal labor, lagipun beberapa hari lepastu ulangtahun suami...
Kalau sama kan best:)
tapi zauj kata tak payah tunggu.
Induce je...

dan aku pasrah

To be continued..

Permata hati kami... 3.5 bulan. Semoga jadi anak solehah ya sayang.

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~


Kadang-kadang, (selalu sebenarnya) rasa terlalu susah nak singkir sisa-sisa jahiliyah dalam diri.
Oh if you only knew hard dark my life was back then... T_T

Tapi itulah. Semua orang akan lalui. Bukan semua, tapi orang-orang yang Allah pilih untuk mendapat taufiq & hidayahNya. Ya Allah bersyukur sangat T___T

Hidayah, sebenarnya mudah untuk kita dapatkan. Tapi taufiq itu, kekuatan untuk beramal memang totally datang dari Allah. Kalau Dia tak gerakkan hati kita, tang tu jugaklah kita.

Sebab tu kena selalu doa

Ya Muqallibal Qulub, thabbit qalbi 'ala deenik

Hati kita berada di antara Dua JariNya.... begitu mudah untuk berbolak-balik.


Masih ada beberapa benda yang saya rasa susah nak kikis dalam diri. Suami selalu pesan, jangan ****

Hu, lemahnya diri T__T
( Suami selalu rasa rendah diri, dan mengatakan saya jauh lagi pandai dari dia,bla2, but he doesn't know how much I look up to him on a lot of things, his strong sense of principle and how he acts on them,oh.. ) 

Betapa diri masih sangat jauh dari hadith nabi:

“Di antara tanda kebaikan keIslaman seseorang: jika dia meninggalkan hal-hal yang tidak bermanfaat baginya.” - HR Tirmizi

Masa yang banyak itu amanah.

Semua perkara yang kita buat akan dihisab nanti.
dan bila cuti lama kat Malaysia ni, apalah yang aku dah buat?

Semalam baca dalam surah al-Haqqah

Orang yang menerima kitab amalannya dengan tangan kanan akan kata:

"Sesungguhnya aku yakin, bahwa sesungguhnya aku akan menemui hisab terhadap diriku." - Surah Al-Haqqah:20

dan akhirnya, tempat mereka di syurga.

Akhiratlah tujuan kita sebenarnya. Tapi menimbulkan rasa benar-benar yakin hingga menggerakkan kita untuk beramal, adakah kita dah capai benda tu...


Peluang untuk mengubah diri sentiasa ada.

Yang penting banyakkan berdoa pada Allah, jadikanlah kita benci untuk kembali kepada kekufuran setelah datangnya iman.

Kufur, maknanya sangat luas... Bukan sekadar kafir yakni tidak percaya kepada Allah.

Lawan kufur itu syukur...

Gunakan segala nikmat yang Allah bagi dengan sebaik-baiknya, itulah syukur.

Kadang terasa, untuk sabar dan menelan kemarahan pun suatu yang cukup payah untuk kita. 

Macammana pulaklah dengan syukur? Allahu akbar...

Moga Allah selalu bantu kita, tuntun kita, kembalikan nikmat halawatul iman dalam diri kita (saya) . Amin...

Iman: lebih manis dari gula-gula

Tiga (perkara) yang apabila ada pada diri seseorang, ia akan mendapatkan manisnya iman: Allah dan Rasul-Nya lebih dicintainya dari selain keduanya. Dan siapa yang bila mencintai seseorang, dia tidak mencintai orang itu kecuali karena Allah ‘azza wajalla. Dan siapa yang benci kembali kepada kekufuran seperti dia benci bila dilempar ke neraka”. - HR Bukhari

p/s: Mohon doakan, proses akhir kehamilan hingga persalinan saya dilancarkan, ibu dan anak selamat... 

Mohon dihalalkan semuanya sepanjang perkenalan kita. Moga kita berjumpa di syurga kelak! :)
Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~

My Baitul Muslim

*edited with a few additions below*

I thought I wouldn't write about this and keep it between us, but then I thought, why not?

I've always had it in the back of my head that I'd be married before I turned 25. And with Allah's will, I did, just one week before my birthday. Allahu akbar

The story behind my marriage is not that romantic anyways. Real life never is, yeah?
It started as a coincidence, in fact. One night, while I was still in Jatinangor, I just got home and haven't had dinner yet. I went to my housemate's room as I think I had something to talk to her about, and I just mentioned that I haven't eaten. So she said 'Jomlah, P teman" Wasn't expecting her to offer, but felt pleasant that she did. So we went to an eatery close to our home. It was nice and cozy, and we talked for a loooong time. At first I just listened to her talking, and then somehow the topic changed to yours truly. She talked about how she had someone in mind for me before but he married someone else coz I was too late. haha. We've always talked about her finding someone for me, half-serious, half-jokingly, but I always held back because I wanted to focus on my studies first.

So that night, we talked more seriously about it, and whether I should choose someone close or not. Anyway I wasn't a fan of long distance relationships, and one of the reason I wanted to get married was so that someone could take care of me here, and I could feel much safer. and during the walk home, I told her to really proceed. I asked her to do istikharah, and me as well, but she said she already had someone in mind. And so it started.
I never thought to ask who that person was, until one night she said she was about to tell him ( through another mediator) and then I asked who.
She told me, and I had my doubts because I didn't know if we would be sekufu with each other. So she asked me if I had other people in mind, and in fact, I did. I mentioned a few, and the person I thought would be most suitable (who turned out to be my husband)

So we discussed about him, kinda like gossiping but it was a very objective process,mind you. We discussed why he'd be suitable, his up sides and down sides. Whether I could accept him or not.
After a few weeks of istikharah and istisyarah between the two, I made my decision. I asked quite a few people, and finally decided to follow my earlier decision. The person I thought would be most suitable for me. When I performed the istikharah repeatedly, I felt nothing but  calmness and acceptance. So I went ahead.

Of course I was worried. but I wasn't having any expections. I've read that if a muslimah were to offer herself, she had to be sure that the man would have a high possibility of accepting, to save herself from embarrassment later.
So before going ahead and exposing myself unnecessarily, I asked my orang tengah to ask him two questions. First, if he already had someone, and second if he was ready for marriage and if his parents were agreeable. I found that very important because if his parents were against it, then there was no way I would proceed. I didn't want a long process.

A few weeks later, when my orang tengah (OT from now on) said that he didn't have anyone yet, that yes he was ready for marriage; but didnt know what his parents thought about it, I was honestly shocked. I was fully ready to move on and continue the search for a spouse if he were to say no. But he didn't, so the ball was in my court if I wanted to continue. Naturally, he wanted to know who I was (it turns out at the time he already thought it was me, cis) and all the while we were still working in BAIK. He was the amir and I was the amirah, but we were reaching the end of our term

I left the ball hanging quite a bit. Meanwhile, my OT asked a few questions for me about him she thought would be important. That was at the end of 2011
On my 24th birthday, the first day of 2012, he was flying home, so he wanted to know who I was so he could tell his parents. I was in the middle of my final exams just before starting clinical. So I allowed my OT reveal who I was. There wasn't any point if he didn't know who I was, yeah? Better to just get it over with.
( I was so embarrassed >_< )

I still remember the day I finished my clinical skills exams (OSCE) - within the same week he went back to Malaysia shortly, I think it was four days after- we had a bureau meeting with the others. I forgot what it was about, the only thing I remembered was hiding behind one of my juniors and she was giving me the weird look because I never sat at the back before hoho. And he was all calm and unruffled (menyampah:p)

Little did I know at the time, he already told our OT that he wanted to continue with our taaruf. So I was a bundle of nerves during the meeting because of my ignorance. My OT told me the news just after Maghrib. She'd known for a few days, but at the time future hubs asked to postpone telling me 'takut nanti tak boleh fokus exam' (Cocky much?hoho) But quite true I must say. Ignorance sometimes is bliss:) She asked me if I had any questions for him, so I prepared a list of questions, basically just to know about his life principles, what he had in mind for the future, when did he plan to be married etc. Of course, most importantly, I also asked if I could continue to be active in usrah and jemaah later on.

He answered all my questions, added a few of his own, I replied, then I think that was it.

Shortly, we decided to continue to the next step and inform our parents.
He then requested for us to meet, since he wanted the details of my parents (I could have easily given them online) and also discuss possible dates.

My OT and I personally didn't think it was necessary since I already knew what he looked like, and I didn't have anything to ask him since all the important ones I've already asked, but since he insisted, I complied.

He was living in Bandung at the time, I was in Jatinangor.
We met at one of the mosques nearby. Our OT started by reminding us the utmost reason we wanted to nikah was for Allah and as ibadah, and to always renew our intentions so we may always be in obedience to Allah.

After exchanging details, he asked what was my plan for the future, when did I plan to nikah. I said I wanted to be married within this year, probably December, as I mentioned before. He wanted to confirm if it was my parents wish or mine (my father didn't want a long engagement for us) so I said, both. There were only two possible dates, Syawal or December when there was quite a long holiday. Anyhow, those were for our parents to discuss.

All in all, it was a very short and straightforward taaruf process. I did get to know a little about the kind of person he was while we were in BAIK, albeit from a distance. What was the use of getting to know a person for too long anyway, as you only really know a person after you marry him. 

To cut a long story short, on 26th February his family came for merisik. Just before starting clinical training. For me I didn't think it was necessary, why not just straight to bertunang since it's the same thing anyway, but my father is old school, he wanted to follow all the process, n he said I could get two rings -_-" Ayah, ayah..

During the merisik they discussed when our engagement and nikah would be held. Of course, I wasn't at the scene to witness this. My brother came inside the room where I was waiting and said 'Ayook Ana kau bertunang empat bulan je' 
What he meant was, we were to be engaged in August and married four months after that, in December. Kurang asam punya abang, saje je bikin suspen -_-' 

What never ceases to amaze me is that my father accepted him even without meeting him. I think I gave a picture, I don't really remember, and a few details about him and his family. He was so accepting.
No long interview or hesitance, alhamdulillah:) 
He probably knew I was a sensible girl and knew how to choose a husband for myself ;) Perasan~

The first time my two heroes met was the day we arrived at the airport, two days before our merisik. Our parents met, our mothers on one side and our fathers on the other. The table couldn't fit us all, so we had to sit at the sides. Tak tahu nak pandang mana masatu >.< Tengok kasut jelah jawabnya.
We got engaged on 25th August, there was drama before that as well as my now father in law suggested for us to get married instead of engaged one month before the date!
Both of us were fine with that, except my dad who wanted me to marry on the same day as my sister. Raya wasn't possible since her future FIL was in Italy for training. Besides, there was no way all the documents would be finished on time! So no can do, tunang je lah jawabnya.

24th December, we were married finally. Alhamdulillah, after a year + it all began :)

Pretty simple, no drama, each step was given ease by Allah throughout the process, alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah... 

24/12/2012 in one lafaz, we were united :)

What happened between February and December? Nothing much, we continued on as people who were ajnabi. 
In October we returned home to settle all the forms, kursus, medical checkup and whatnot, and also my sister in law's wedding in JB. That was the only time our two families met before the wedding, since Selangor and JB isn't a stone's throw away.

So apart from our parents who sometimes 'kirim barang' to us, and once to settle the marriage preparations, we never met except for our weekly ta'lim in Sukagalih, all the time acting like the other didn't exist (malu ok!)
Whenever there was a need to discuss anything, we did, but never through calls since it didn't seem necessary. I was busy anyways, starting my clinicals at the hospital, with three large departments before the marriage, internal medicine, pediatrics and O&G. There was never any 'tanya kabar' as well, just thought that would be weird since he was close by, maybe it was ego too :j 

After the marriage, we both said the other was too sombong :))

But insyaAllah, we wanted Allah to bless us, our planned union, although we weren't perfect but we did our best to maintain our relationship with each other and Allah. We were tested, most of them after we were engaged in August with a few issues, but alhamdulillah in the end everything turned out fine.

Now we're waiting for our little bundle of joy to arrive... 

5 weeks biiznillah and we'll start another journey together as parents :)

Dearest Muhammad Arif, I love you with all my heart, fiLlah, and I'll never be able to thank Allah enough for blessing me with you :)

You have been Allah's greatest gift to me, although I feel I am forever undeserving.
Allah has lend us to each other, so may this union bring us closer to Him and his forever Jannah.

We've started this baitulmuslim, and may we continue to build this baitulmuslim together...

Until Jannah, insyaAllah.

22nd September 2013.

Two days away from 9 months of marriage, and counting insyaAllah~


p/s: Before anything happened sometimes my friends would tease me with him, one of them saying that usually the amir&amirah would end up getting married like her sis and brother-in-law. That was a few years earlier when we were just given that responsibility. I said, tak mungkin. Reject2. I guess you should never say never.

p/s2: Sometimes when some akhwats say how no one wants them, why not try putting some effort then ( I know some already have^_~), since there is an honorable way for us to find spouses while maintaining our dignity. Of course, everything starts with improving ourselves as an abid of Allah...

Sa’id Al-Bunany Rahimahullah mengatakan: “Dahulu aku bersama Anas dan ada anak perempuannya di sisinya. Anas berkata: “Datang seorang perempuan kepada Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alaihi wa Sallam dan mengatakan: “Wahai Rasulullah apakah engkau berhajat kepadaku (untuk menikah)?”. Anak perempuan Anas berkata: “Betapa kurang rasa malunya, wa sauatah !! wa sauatah !! (ungkapan sedih ketika seseorang melihat sebuah perbuatan)”. Anas berkata: “Dia lebih baik darimu, dia menginginkan Nabi Sallallahu ‘Alaihi wa Sallam maka dia menawarkan dirinya padanya”. (Hadith Riwayat Bukhari)
Kata Syaikh Badruddin Mahmud Al-Aini : Kata-kata Anas Radhiyallahu Anhu kepada anak perempuannya, menunjukkan bahawa harus seorang wanita menawarkan diri untuk dinikahi oleh seorang lelaki yang soleh, dan diketahui bahawa wanita itu melamarnya kerana kesolehan dirinya, atau kerana kemuliaan dirinya, atau kerana nilai-nilai beragama yang wujud pada dirinya, dan itu tidaklah mencacatkan maruah wanita tersebut bahkan menunjukkan kepada ketinggian jiwa wanita tersebut. ( Umdatul Qari ala Syarh Al Bukhari )

For me, Islam empowers women in allowing us to choose her own spouses. If someone comes to her in offer of marriage and she is disagreeable, she can easily say no. So there is no difference vice versa. 
Marriage is no small thing... There are some things we can be shy about, there are some things we shouldn't be. 

We could easily wait, and who's to say there haven't been any to offer their hand, no? 
But choosing a spouse is like deciding our heaven and hell. If you feel that someone isn't right, maybe they aren't. As long as you have a valid reason in saying no... 

Anyway, there are a few other sources I've read, but am currently unable to find them, and laptop is in Bandung. InsyaAllah later...

So there goes my story.. Puas la hati korang yang nak tau cerita kan..? haha. gitulah ceritanya... 

Someone once said: "Marriage does not need love for a start. But blessing is."

Hopefully there's something beneficial somewhere. A little, if not much.

Until next time...

Currently 35 weeks pregnant, 35 days to go if baby follows the schedule ^_^
May Allah ease...
Pray for us, please?



Ya, mak buyung masih belum lupa yang dia ada blog. Maafkanlah saya -_-'

Harini terdetik untuk mencoretkan sesuatu di sini.

Betapa Islam itu benar-benar merupakan suatu cara hidup, bukan sekadar ritual. Dan betapa benda yang kita sangka kecil, yang kita sangka tak penting, itulah perkara yang dapat menentukan kita ke syurga atau neraka pada akhirnya. Kerana kesannya kepada diri kita, agama kita, dan hubungan kita dengan Allah.

Ya, itulah dia. Husnuzhon. Berbaik sangka dengan orang lain. Berbaik sangka dengan Allah.
Bila kita belajar, kita pun oh, okay. Sangka baik. Tetapi saat kita berhubungan dengan manusia lainlah kita akan diuji dengan kefahaman kita tentang suruhan Allah dan Rasul ini.

Cuba bayangkan jika dalam kepala kita sentiasa memikirkan yang buruk tentang orang lain.
Bila orang lain mengadu kepada kita tentang seseorang, jauh daripada menenangkan orang itu, kita api-apikan lagi. 'Memanglah, tengok jelah bla bla bla'.

Dan kita lupa, mungkin saja apabila kita tiada, orang itu mengadu pula kepada orang lain tentang kita.
Sukakah kita jika orang tersebut berbuat seperti kita?

"Memanglah, perangai macam tu bla bla bla"

Kadang-kadang, orang bercerita kepada kita bukan untuk mengumpat. Sekadar meluahkan, untuk menghilangkan rasa yang mengganjal dalam hati. Meminta nasihat, meminta ditenangkan.
Tapi kita ingat orang tu saja nak complain kat kita. Itu tanda orang tu tak puas hati.

Dah tu pulak, kita pergi kat orang yang menjadi subjek 'pengaduan' tadi, dan kita pergi kata, "Jangan ingat X tu diam maknanya dia suka apa kau buat. X lah yang bercerita semua pasal kau. Blablabla"

Akhirnya kita jadi batu api. Takde api pun sebenarnya, everything was just fine, tapi mungkin dalam diri kita ada 'api' yang tidak padam, kita nak sebarkan kat orang lain. Walhal everybody was okay before.

Kadang-kadang tak salah nak meluahkan. Tapi jadilah dewasa, cakap macam dewasa. Layan orang macam dewasa. Bukan budak-budak. Bukan untuk memperkecilkan. Bukan untuk jadi besar dan tunjuk 'oh aku lebih tahu dari kau.' Itu semua hanya menyakitkan dan menimbulkan kemarahan. Dan akhirnya semua menyesal.Tahukah kita, manusia ni macam boleh sense tau niat kita. Hati kita akan terpancar pada perbuatan kita. Kalau kita ikhlas, orang boleh rasa. Dan macam tulah sebaliknya.

Dah itu je nak cakap.

Kadang-kadang, benda kecil ni yang kita kena betul-betul amalkan.
Jadi qudwah (ikutan, contoh) yang baik. Dakwah bil hal itu jauh lebih berkesan dari dakwah dengan kata-kata.

Jangan suatu hari nanti kita menyesal bila semua orang dah meninggalkan kita.

Bersangka baiklah dengan orang lain.
Dan ajaklah orang lain untuk turut melakukan yang sama.

p/s: Doakan saya. Sudah hamil hampir 33 minggu...

p/s2: Jom hadam kisah Hasan Al-Basri di bawah:

Hassan al-Basri pada suatu hari melihat seorang pemuda sedang berasmara dengan seorang wanita, di tepi Sungai Dajlah. Bersama pasangan yang sedang asyi maksyuk itu, terdapat sebotol arak. Hati kecil Hasan al-Basri lalu berbisik: “Alangkah jahatnya orang itu dan alangkah baiknya kalau dia seperti aku!”

Pada masa sama, Hassan melihat sebuah perahu yang berada tidak jauh dari lokasi pasangan itu memadu asmara. Perahu itu dipenuhi air dan hampir tenggelam. Lelaki yang berasmara itu terjun ke sungai untuk menyelamatkan penumpang dalam perahu yang hampir tenggelam. Jumlah kesemua penumpang yang ada berjumlah tujuh orang.

Setelah bertungkus lumus, lelaki itu berjaya menyelamatkan enam orang, manakala seorang lagi masih belum dapat diselamatkan. Lelaki tersebut berada dalam situasi yang lemah dan hampir tidak lagi dapat berenang untuk selamatkan seorang lagi penumpang. Dalam nafas yang tercungap-cungap, lelaki itu menghampiri Hasan al-Basri.

Melihatkan wajah Hasan al-Basri, lelaki itu berkata: “Jika engkau memang lebih mulia daripada saya, maka dengan nama Allah, selamatkan seorang lagi yang belum sempat saya tolong. Engkau diminta untuk menyelamatkan satu orang saja, sedang saya telah menyelamatkan enam orang.”

Hasan al-Basri berusaha membantu, tapi beliau gagal menyelamatkan yang seorang mangsa perahu karam itu. Dengan rasa yang kecewa, lelaki berkenaan menjelaskan: “Tuan, sebenarnya wanita yang duduk di samping saya ini adalah ibu saya, sedangkan botol itu hanya berisi air biasa, bukan arak. Ini hanya untuk menguji tuan.” Mendengarkan penjelasan itu, Hassan al-Basri berkata, “Kalau begitu, sebagaimana engkau telah menyelamatkan enam orang tadi daripada bahaya tenggelam ke dalam sungai, maka selamatkanlah saya daripada tenggelam dalam kebanggaan dan kesombongan.”

 Hasan al-Basri sedar bahawa beliau sebenarnya dilanda buruk sangka terhadap lelaki yang berdua-duan di tebing sungai tersebut. Tanpa mencari fakta sebenar, beliau telah membuat prasangka yang keterlaluan. Bagaimanapun, setelah menyedari prasangka buruk itu, Hasan al-Basri segera berusaha memperbetulkan kesilapan. Lelaki yang disangka buruk itu kemudiannya menjawab: “Mudah-mudahan Allah mengabulkan permohonan tuan.”

Sejak dari peristiwa buruk sangka itu, Hasan al-Basri berubah. Tidak membuat praduga keterlaluan dan sentiasa merendah diri. Dia sedar, dirinya adalah makhluk biasa yang tidak sempurna dan sentiasa berbuat salah.

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~



Alhamdulillah... berpeluang lagi untuk mencoret sesuatu di sini. Entah kenapa... saya merasakan agak payah untuk membuka blogger. Terlalu lama masa yang diambil untuk loading, sehingga terkadang saya membatalkan saja hasrat untuk meng'update' sesuatu di sini.

Ramadhan tinggal beberapa hari saja lagi... sekitar dua minggu. Subhanallah, tak terasa cepatnya waktu berlalu. Waktu yang sama tahun lalu, saya menunggu waktu menjadi tunangan orang ^_- 

Baru-baru ini dalam liqo' kami berkongsi tentang fiqh puasa bagi wanita memandangkan Ramadhan semakin hampir... dan ada dibahas tentang puasa bagi wanita yang hamil dan menyusui. Saya tidak berhasrat untuk berkongsi di sini, namun sewaktu perbincangan itu terasa sangat betapa halusnya Allah menyusun segala urusan hambaNya... dan betapa lembutnya Dia dalam menetapkan hukum.. Sungguh, manusia itu akan sungguh-sungguh rugi apabila meninggalkan Allah dan kehendakNya dalam segala urusan...


Saya juga masih belum tahu bagaimana nasib saya Ramadhan ini... 
Dengan gastrik yang saya ada, dan 'serangan lapar' yang datang beberapa jam sekali... dan memikirkan nutrien yang diperlukan oleh si kecil yang semakin rajin menendang-nendang perut saya ini... tentang beratnya yang harus naik, kerana pembesarannya akan bertambah cepat selepas ini... 
Apakah mampu saya berpuasa tahun ini? Kita tunggu dan lihat nanti... Allahul Musta'an.

Dua tiga menjak ini juga, ada beberapa perkara yang saya rasa agak menekan jiwa. Tentang bilakah secara tepatnya saya akan graduasi... tentang si kecil dan segala urusan berkenaan kelahirannya... apakah saya bakal melahirkan di Malaysia atau Indonesia...  Persoalan yang sehingga kini saya masih belum punya jawapan untuknya. Allahu... Tadi sewaktu pemeriksaan rutin kehamilan pun saya ditanyakan soalan yang sama. dan sukar untuk percaya jawapan saya saat ini masih 'saya tidak tahu'. Moga Allah tuntut saya dan suami untuk melakukan keputusan yang terbaik...

Jika saya membuat keputusan untuk melahirkan di Malaysia, maka kami akan berpisah sementara... 
Sesuatu perkara yang susah untuk dibayangkan, sedangkan seminggu berjauhan pun semuanya seperti serba tidak kena :) 
Sedangkan salah satu sebab saya bersetuju menikahinya ialah kerana saya tidak mahu pernikahan jarak jauh.  Bukan mempersoalkan keputusan orang lain, cuma merasakan inilah yang terbaik untuk saya. Sentiasa ada orang yang menemani...

Takpelah. Doakan yang terbaik untuk kami ya...

Semoga persoalan yang masih belum pasti akan akhirnya menemui kepastian. Sungguh, saya sudah sangat penat sebenarnya. dan saya pasti yang lain juga merasakan yang sama...

In the end, Allahul musta'an...

Hanya kepada Allah kita mohon kekuatan dan pertolongan dalam segala urusan kita...


:) senyum. 

p/s: Saya berasa sangat gumbira untuk seseorang. Walaupun jauh di mata, tetap dekat di hati :)
p/p/s: Sedang mula memikirkan nama ^_^ Ada cadangan?

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~


A cheery greeting after such a long hiatus...
Yes, after being such a drama queen in my last post, I can now say that alhamdulillah, we've past the hardest stages, being the first trimester...alhamdulillah.

...and yes, that means I am pregnant even though I was worried 'coz my tummy wasn't getting big --"

I am now 18 weeks along... but we don't know yet if it's a boy or a girl..... waiting for my next antenatal checkup tomorrow ^_^ hopefully we can find out.

Sometimes, it just hits me how my life has changed so fast, and how far my single years seem now.

How finding out I was pregnant was such a blessing because I did have my doubts, since I had close relatives who were unable to conceive, or had to wait so long to get an offspring... Although I do doubt that it's mainly because of inadequate nutrition, wallahua'lam... only Allah knows best. 

Anyhow, my days in surgery posting are almost coming to an end. Tomorrow I'm having my final exams, OSCE. There are 9 stations, but we only have to enter 3. Make dua for me, please?

I feel like my writings have become rustic. I've only been writing about what's been happening in my life, post-BM. Like my blog has become a marriage blog >.< 

But I guess that's okay, because life is after all our biggest tarbiyah. Whatever Allah puts us through, He will always make us prevail... As long as we remain steadfast and have complete trust in him...

Ramadhan's coming soon... Let's increase our momentum for this once in year ibadah marathon...

My first Ramadhan as a wife and final one before becoming a mother. 

May Allah ease everything....

p/s: My sister and two of my sisters-in-law are pregnant too! SubhanaLlah.. That makes four of us. 
My father is gonna be sooo happy^_^
My sister's having a boy. Hopefully my curiosity will end tomorrow! 

Until next time insya Allah, truthfully I have so much to write about... but everything has it's time and place. ;)

Have a nice day, filled with His barakah and love~

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~



A sister told me the other day when I visited her that she hasn't opened my blog in a while, so she didn't know what I've updated in my blog. And when she did, she found out that I haven't -.-' ('Aik, takde pape pun?')

Yes... Sometimes I just don't feel the 'umph' to write. and if your heart isn't there... What's the use of you doing it.

I've been sick these past 2 weeks plus. Everyday, my stomach hurts so bad and it affects my mood. I'm tired all the time. Exhaustion sets in eventhough I haven't done anything. Although, there may be a lot of activity growing on inside me...

Because the test I took told me that...

I'm pregnant.


We found out the night before I went to Garut.
We were almost completely sure about an hour before I left.
-Yes, that's where I am now, though I do return every weekend.-
and we confirmed it the next week at a clinic after a daurah I went to.
(eventhough technically, the same test is done in the early stages)

But albeit all that, even until now, the reality hasn't set in. 
and deep down, I am sooooo afraid.
Every little thing worries me.
I don't feel pregnant, besides from my tummy making me queasy 
(it could just be due to my dyspepsia)


I'm so anxious and I feel so helpless
but all I can do is pray
that everything is fine
that this little tadpole is growing just fine
please, please be fine

and only when this happens, when I am totally in the dark... do I fully realize...

only unto ALLAH we rely on...


okay, I am out of words...

Please make du'a for me.

InsyaAllah, come what may, it is for the best.


إِنَّ الَّذِينَ قَالُوا رَبُّنَا اللَّهُ ثُمَّ اسْتَقَامُوا تَتَنَزَّلُ عَلَيْهِمُ الْمَلَائِكَةُ أَلَّا تَخَافُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَبْشِرُوا بِالْجَنَّةِ الَّتِي كُنْتُمْ تُوعَدُونَ

Sesungguhnya orang-orang yg mengatakan: "Tuhan kami ialah Allah" kemudian mereka meneguhkan pendirian mereka, maka malaikat akan turun kepada mereka dgn mengatakan: "Janganlah kamu takut & janganlah merasa sedih; & gembirakanlah mereka dgn jannah yg telah dijanjikan Allah kepadamu".

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~


Keimanan kita sentiasa akan diuji.
Dan aku yang mengaku Allah sebagai Tuhan dan Muhammad sebagai nabi dan utusanNya, pasti akan diuji tentang kesaksian itu kan?

Sebetulnya Garut adalah tempat terakhir yang aku mahu pergi. Tapi rasa hati kuat mengatakan memang Allah akan campak aku jauh-jauh... dan memang terbukti benar. Apapun, mungkin inilah cara Allah mengabulkan doa agar memberikan aku tempat yang terbaik. Siapalah kita untuk menguji tiap keputusan Sang Pencipta bukan?

5 minggu, atau efektifnya 4 minggu di sana, moga ada kebaikannya di sana. Yakin, Allah bersama sangkaan para hambaNya...

Sebelum ini, gusar juga apabila Allah terlalu mudah mengkabulkan doa, mempermudah bermacam urusan dunia dan akhirat. Bukan tidak bersyukur, cuma bimbang, ianya kerana Allah tidak suka mendengar permintaan hambaNya ini dan terus kabulkan :S

Begitulah para sahabat radiyallahu anhum ajmain.

Saat tiada kesukaran dan kesusahan dalam hidup mereka, mereka malah menangis... kerana takut Allah sudah tidak mencintai mereka, lantas tidak lagi membebani mereka dengan ujian...

Padahal kita, menangis berhari-hari kerana ujian yang Allah timpakan...

Masih jauh kita daripada mereka... dan aku, lebih jauh lagi.

Dekatkanlah aku kepada mereka ya Allah!

Titipkanlah doa buat saya, ya?

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~

Sabar dan teguh

Khabab datang menemui Rasulullah Saw. yang sedang beribadah di Ka'bah. Ia mengadukan ketidakmampuannya menghadapi penyiksaan yang bertubi-tubi : "Wahai Rasulullah, bukankah kita berada di atas kebenaran?! Lalu mengapa Allah tidak segera memberikan kemenangan? Khabab mendesak Rasulullah untuk segera berdo'a kepada Allah, meminta kemenangan.

Mendengar keluhan Khabab, wajah Rasulullah memerah, beliau berkata: "Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman sebelum kalian, ada yang ditanam hidup-hidup separuh badannya, lalu kepalanya digergaji hingga terbelah menjadi dua bagian. Ada pula yang disisir kepalanya dengan sisir besi yang dipanggang dengan api, hingga tulang dan otot kepala mereka kelihatan, tapi hal itu tidak membuat mereka meninggalkan agama dan keyakinannya. Demi Allah, sungguh akan datang suatu masa di mana para pengendara bisa berjalan dari Shan'a ke Hadramaut, tidak merasakan takut selain pada Allah dan serigala yang akan menerkam gembalaannya, tapi kalian tergesa-gesa."

Membaca kisah ini buat kali pertama, memang membuat hati kita tersentap. 
Berapa kali kita merintih dan berdoa meminta sesuatu kepada Allah, namun Allah menangguhkan permintaan kita?
Dan seberapa besar sangatkah masalah kita apabila dibandingkan dengan ujian yang menimpa orang-orang yang telah mendahului kita?

Benarlah kata Rasulullah... kita sering tergesa-gesa.

Kita menyangka iman kita sudah cukup mantap, lalu kita marah apabila permintaan kita tidak langsung dikabulkan.
Kita marah kepada Allah dan bersangka macam-macam, sedang kita lupa bahawa Allah lah sebaik-baik Perancang.

Sedikit penjelasan tentang hadith di atas;

"Dalam menjelaskan hadith tersebut, Muhammad bin Shalih Al-Utsaimin mengungkapkan, (hadith) ini merupakan isyarat perihal wajibnya bersabar kala menghadapi ujian dalam menunaikan agama.
(Syarhu Shahih Al-Bukhari, 9/356)
Sesungguhnya sikap sabar kepada Dzat Allah dalam menghadapi cobaan merupakan salah satu sebab (seseorang) masuk syurga, kerana sesungguhnya makna ayat (dari surat Al-Baqarah: 214) yaitu bersabarlah kalian hingga kalian masuk surga."
(Tafsir Al-Qur’an Al-Karim)

Bak kata omputih, "Rome wasn't built in a day..."

Sifat sabar itu suatu kewajipan buat seorang muslim... Untuk membina suatu bangunan pun mustahil dapat dibina dalam masa sehari bukan ?

Dan sekecil mana pun permintaan dan kemahuan kita, ingatlah dan tanamkanlah dalam hati...yang berhak untuk menunaikannya hanyalah Allah Ar-Razzaq..

Kewajipan kita hanyalah berikhtiar... Dan selanjutnya, kita serahkan kepada Allah, yang sudah pasti membagi-bagikan rezekiNya kepada setiap makhlukNya... Siapalah kita untuk mempersoalkan Allah yang mentadbir seluruh alam ini, yang Maha Berdiri Sendiri... ?

Jadi tanamkanlah kekuatan sabar dalam diri kita. Menjaga hati kita dengan sentiasa mengekalkan segala sangkaan yang baik terhadap Allah... Dan dari hati yang bersih dan sentiasa positif itu lahirlah semua yang positif insyaAllah...

Hanya dengan begitulah baru memungkinkan kemenangan dalam dakwah... Islam pasti... Pasti menang di akhirnya... Pengakhiran yang kita tidak tahu kapan munculnya...

Sedikit perkongsian dari karya Al-Munthalaq- Ahmad Rasyid

"Untuk menyelesaikan permasalahan dunia Islam pada hari ini, tidak perlu kepada berpindahnya bilangan yang besar dari mereka yang lalai dan menyeleweng kepada berpegang teguh dengan Islam..tetapi apa yang diperlukan adalah MENYEDARKAN mereka yang sudah pun berpegang dengan Islam, membangkitkan KESUNGGUHAN mereka dan memperkenalkan mereka kepada jalan amal dan fiqh dakwah.Masih ramai dari kalangan orang-orang mukmin, bilangan mereka sudah mencukupi untuk menegakkan kebaikan yang kita cita-citakan, tetapi dengan syarat apabila mereka mengenali TAJARRUD, zuhud terhadap dunia, menjauhkan diri dari fitnah, sabar atas segala mehnah dan memahami seni memimpin ummat"

Namun kemenangan itu datang dari jiwa yang kuat... Dan masakan jiwa yg teguh itu didapatkan jika usaha mendapatkan sabar itu kita tidak usahakan.

Maka apa saja mehnah yang menimpa kita dalam kehidupan ini, tidak mungkin tidak Allah menyelitkan tidak sedikit hikmah dan kebaikan di sebaliknya... Begitulah tanda kecintaan Allah kepada kita.

Terkadang kesempurnaan itu kita terlalu sering kejar... Sehinggakan kita lupa bahawa kita juga manusia. Kita ada kelemahan, kita punya kekurangan...

Dan sebenarnya dari kelemahan-kelemahan kita itulah Allah mahu mendidik kita.

Yakinlah...Bersabarlah... Dan teguhkanlah hatimu. Setiap sesuatu ada waktunya. :)

Iman seorang mukmin akan tampak di saat ia menghadapi ujian. Di saat ia totalitas dalam berdoa, tapi ia belum melihat pengaruh apapun dari doanya. Ketika, ia tetap tidak merubah keinginan dan harapannya, meski sebab-sebab putus asa semakin kuat. Itu semua dilakukan seseorang karena keyakinannya bahwa hanya Allah saja yang paling tahu apa yang lebih maslahat bagi dirinya. Ia yakin bahwa dengan ujian itu, Allah ingin melihat tingkatan kesabaran dan keimanannya. Ia yakin bahwa dengan keadaan itu, Allah menghendaki hatinya menjadi luruh dan pasrah kepada-Nya. Atau, boleh jadi melalui ujian itu, Allah menghendaki dirinya untuk lebih banyak lagi berdoa sehingga ia lebih dekat lagi dengan-Nya melalui doa-doanya.
(Shaidul Khatir)

Wallahua'lam. Segalanya kembali kepada persoalan dan kualiti iman dalam diri kita...
Jagalah Allah, jagalah Islam, jagalah iman dalam diri, insyaAllah semua pengakhirannya baik-baik belaka.

Tetap semangatlah wahai pemuda!

Before & After

Dulu, sebelum memulakan clinical di Bandung dan mendapat tahu ada sahabat rapat yang bakal berkahwin, sejujurnya saya (kami sebenarnya) sangat marah kepada lelaki itu. Bukan marah sebenarnya, geram mungkin kerana dia bakal 'mencuri' sahabat itu dari kami...

Dan ketika saya memberitahu orang yang saya bakal menikah juga, adalah seorang dua yang memberikan respons yang sama... >.~

Pada waktu itu saya cuma mengatakan, (lebih kurang, tetapi inilah yang ingin saya sampaikan sebenarnya)
Walaupun saya sudah menikah, itu tetap tidak merubah apa-apa... Saya masih orang yang sama... saya masih ada di dunia ini belum ke alam lain lagi><... dan walaupun mungkin ada beberapa perubahan dalam hidup, ukhwah kita tidak berubah hanya disebabkan status yang berubah itu...

Dan sememangnya, setelah nikah pun rutin hidup tidak berubah terlalu banyak... Jika sibuk menjadi alasan kurang bertemu dengan sahabat-sahabat dan adik-adik, sibuk itu memang biasa ada dalam hidup hatta sebelum nikah pun. Beberapa kali perancangan terpaksa dibatalkan hanya kerana jadual koas yang tidak memungkinkan.

Hmm.. untuk apa saya tulis ni sebenarnya..errr

Apa yang ingin saya sampaikan, hidup tidaklah berbeza mana... cumanya sahabat-sahabat mengusik dengan memanggil saya 'Puan' er masih terasa aneh dengan panggilan itu. he. Selain itu, apa yang saya rutinkan sebelumnya tetap saya cuba kekalkan dan tambahkan mengikut kemampuan...
dan alhamdulillah suami juga memahami siapa saya dan memudahkan segalanya...
( saya sangat beruntung :D )

Mungkin saya menulis ini kerana merasakan orang lain yang berubah setelah status saya berubah. Ataupun mungkin kami cuma sama-sama sibuk dalam kehidupan ini... mungkin.

Doa saja yang dipanjatkan moga Allah menjaga semua orang yang saya sayang baik-baik... Menghebatkan mereka, walaupun saya kurang dapat berperanan secara aktif lagi.

Sungguh, antara kelemahan diri saya ialah kurang berbaik sangka dengan orang lain lebih-lebih lagi yang tidak saya kenali... dan saya rasa sangat tertampar dengan kisah seorang sahabat...

Yang mana pada suatu hari, Rasulullah mengatakan kepada para sahabatnya, 'Akan hadir di antara kalian seorang calon penghuni syurga...' 

Para sahabat pun bertanya-tanya dalam hati, siapakah orang istimewa yang dimaksud Rasulullah ini?. Dengan rasa berdebar-debar mereka menunggu kedatangan orang tersebut. Semua mata memandang ke arah pintu. Tidak berapa lama kemudian, seorang lelaki melenggang masuk masjid. 

Para sahabat hairan, inikah orang yang dimaksud Rasulullah? Dia tak lebih dari seorang lelaki dari kaum ansar (orang kebanyakan). Dia tidak termasuk di antara sahabat utama. Dia juga bukan dari golongan tokoh Quraisy. Bahkan, tidak banyak yang mengenalnya. Pun, sejauh ini tak terdengar keistimewaan dia.

dan kejadian ini berulang sehingga tiga kali, sehinggakan salah seorang sahabat yang bersama Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam ketika itu berasa panasaran (curious) dan akhirnya, dia berjumpa sahabat tersebut dan mengatakan bahawa ingin berziarah dan tidur di rumahnya... dan sahabat itu pun tidur di rumahnya selama tiga malam, namun tidak mendapatkan suatu keanehan pun. Tiada amalan hebat pada pandangannya yang baginya melayakkannya masuk ke dalam syurga...

Akhirnya, sahabat itu pun pun berterus terang akan maksudnya bermalam. Dia bercerita tentang pernyataan Rasulullah SAW. Kemudian dia bertanya,“Wahai sahabatku, sesungguhnya amalan istimewa apakah yang kau lakukan sehingga kau disebut salah satu calon penghuni syurga oleh Rasulullah? Tolong beritahu aku agar aku dapat mencontohimu”.

 Lelaki itu menjawab,” Wahai sahabat, seperti yang kau lihat dalam kehidupan sehari-hariku. Aku adalah seorang muslim biasa dengan amalan biasa pula. Namun ada satu kebiasaanku yang boleh kuberitahukan padamu. Setiap menjelang tidur, aku berusaha membersihkan hatiku. Kumaafkan orang-orang yang menyakitiku dan buang semua iri, dengki, dendam dan perasaaan buruk kepada semua saudaraku sesama muslim. Hingga aku tidur dengan tenang dan hati bersih serta ikhlas. Barangkali itulah yang menyebabkan Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam menyatakan demikian.”

Kadang-kadang, kita sangkakan bersangka baik itu suatu yang simple. Namun amal yang kecil itu boleh menjadi amal yang sangat besar, hanya kerana keikhlasan kita... dan begitulah contoh di atas.

Moga saya dapat bersihkan hati saya dan sentiasaaa menanamkan sangka baik sesama saudaraku. 
Sememangnya ini susah, apatah lagi hati perempuan begitu halus... 

Allahu~~~~ doakan saya...


p/s: Hari ini genap sebulan berumahtangga. Alhamdulillah. Moga rumahtangga kami sentiasa diberkati Allah, dan perkahwinan ini menghebatkan kami sebagai seorang hamba dan khalifah di muka bumi Allah ini.
Ya Allah, Engkau permudahkanlah segalanya...

*maaf masih mode menulis tentang RT , ini entry curhat sebenarnya,hu. Apapun, tanamkan kuat-kuat dalam hati, apa saja aturan Allah itu pasti yang terbaik! 
(walaupun terpaksa dicampak family medicine di tempat yang jauh selama sebulan, .................... )

Betapa lemahnya saya.... Hanya Allahlah sumber kekuatan sebenar. 

Maka, rapatkanlah diri dengan Allah... supaya dalam apa keadaan sekalipun, kita sentiasa merasakan ianya sebagai suatu cara Allah menzahirkan kasih sayangnya... dengan memberikan ujian sebanyak-banyaknya......

Wassalam~  :)

Kita hanya manusia, dan manusia sering terlupa. Marilah mengingatkan sesama kita, moga berjumpa di syurga~

Ibn 'Uthaymeen:
 "Marry a religious woman. She will neither abuse your right nor reveal your secret and she will take care of your property and your child in the best way." (Sharh al-Bukhari, Nikah, 2)
Ya Allah, please, make me a religious woman......

~~~~(teringin untuk menulis tentang isteri vs dakwah vs futur(?) ) Moga diizinkan.~~~~

Reminder for the soul

“Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengetahui kematian, tapi mengapa ia masih tertawa;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang tahu bahawa dunia adalah sementara, tapi mengapa ia sangat mencintainya;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengetahui semua urusan telah ditakdirkan, tapi mengapa ia takut kehilangan;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengetahui bahwa hisab adalah suatu kepastian, tapi mengapa ia tetap mengum
pulkan harta dan menghitung-hitungnya;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengetahui panasnya api neraka, tapi mengapa ia tetap berbuat dosa;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengaku mengenal Allah, tapi mengapa ia meminta tolong kepada selain-Nya;

Aku hairan kepada orang yang mengaku mengetahui kenikmatan syurga, tapi mengapa ia merasa hidup tenang di dunia;

Dan aku hairan kepada orang yang mengetahui syaitan adalah musuhnya, tapi mengapa ia mentaatinya.”

Uthman bin Affan Radhiyallahu anhu
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