My Baitul Muslim

*edited with a few additions below*

I thought I wouldn't write about this and keep it between us, but then I thought, why not?

I've always had it in the back of my head that I'd be married before I turned 25. And with Allah's will, I did, just one week before my birthday. Allahu akbar
:)

The story behind my marriage is not that romantic anyways. Real life never is, yeah?
It started as a coincidence, in fact. One night, while I was still in Jatinangor, I just got home and haven't had dinner yet. I went to my housemate's room as I think I had something to talk to her about, and I just mentioned that I haven't eaten. So she said 'Jomlah, P teman" Wasn't expecting her to offer, but felt pleasant that she did. So we went to an eatery close to our home. It was nice and cozy, and we talked for a loooong time. At first I just listened to her talking, and then somehow the topic changed to yours truly. She talked about how she had someone in mind for me before but he married someone else coz I was too late. haha. We've always talked about her finding someone for me, half-serious, half-jokingly, but I always held back because I wanted to focus on my studies first.

So that night, we talked more seriously about it, and whether I should choose someone close or not. Anyway I wasn't a fan of long distance relationships, and one of the reason I wanted to get married was so that someone could take care of me here, and I could feel much safer. and during the walk home, I told her to really proceed. I asked her to do istikharah, and me as well, but she said she already had someone in mind. And so it started.
I never thought to ask who that person was, until one night she said she was about to tell him ( through another mediator) and then I asked who.
She told me, and I had my doubts because I didn't know if we would be sekufu with each other. So she asked me if I had other people in mind, and in fact, I did. I mentioned a few, and the person I thought would be most suitable (who turned out to be my husband)

So we discussed about him, kinda like gossiping but it was a very objective process,mind you. We discussed why he'd be suitable, his up sides and down sides. Whether I could accept him or not.
After a few weeks of istikharah and istisyarah between the two, I made my decision. I asked quite a few people, and finally decided to follow my earlier decision. The person I thought would be most suitable for me. When I performed the istikharah repeatedly, I felt nothing but  calmness and acceptance. So I went ahead.

Of course I was worried. but I wasn't having any expections. I've read that if a muslimah were to offer herself, she had to be sure that the man would have a high possibility of accepting, to save herself from embarrassment later.
So before going ahead and exposing myself unnecessarily, I asked my orang tengah to ask him two questions. First, if he already had someone, and second if he was ready for marriage and if his parents were agreeable. I found that very important because if his parents were against it, then there was no way I would proceed. I didn't want a long process.

A few weeks later, when my orang tengah (OT from now on) said that he didn't have anyone yet, that yes he was ready for marriage; but didnt know what his parents thought about it, I was honestly shocked. I was fully ready to move on and continue the search for a spouse if he were to say no. But he didn't, so the ball was in my court if I wanted to continue. Naturally, he wanted to know who I was (it turns out at the time he already thought it was me, cis) and all the while we were still working in BAIK. He was the amir and I was the amirah, but we were reaching the end of our term

I left the ball hanging quite a bit. Meanwhile, my OT asked a few questions for me about him she thought would be important. That was at the end of 2011
On my 24th birthday, the first day of 2012, he was flying home, so he wanted to know who I was so he could tell his parents. I was in the middle of my final exams just before starting clinical. So I allowed my OT reveal who I was. There wasn't any point if he didn't know who I was, yeah? Better to just get it over with.
( I was so embarrassed >_< )

I still remember the day I finished my clinical skills exams (OSCE) - within the same week he went back to Malaysia shortly, I think it was four days after- we had a bureau meeting with the others. I forgot what it was about, the only thing I remembered was hiding behind one of my juniors and she was giving me the weird look because I never sat at the back before hoho. And he was all calm and unruffled (menyampah:p)

Little did I know at the time, he already told our OT that he wanted to continue with our taaruf. So I was a bundle of nerves during the meeting because of my ignorance. My OT told me the news just after Maghrib. She'd known for a few days, but at the time future hubs asked to postpone telling me 'takut nanti tak boleh fokus exam' (Cocky much?hoho) But quite true I must say. Ignorance sometimes is bliss:) She asked me if I had any questions for him, so I prepared a list of questions, basically just to know about his life principles, what he had in mind for the future, when did he plan to be married etc. Of course, most importantly, I also asked if I could continue to be active in usrah and jemaah later on.

He answered all my questions, added a few of his own, I replied, then I think that was it.

Shortly, we decided to continue to the next step and inform our parents.
He then requested for us to meet, since he wanted the details of my parents (I could have easily given them online) and also discuss possible dates.

My OT and I personally didn't think it was necessary since I already knew what he looked like, and I didn't have anything to ask him since all the important ones I've already asked, but since he insisted, I complied.

He was living in Bandung at the time, I was in Jatinangor.
We met at one of the mosques nearby. Our OT started by reminding us the utmost reason we wanted to nikah was for Allah and as ibadah, and to always renew our intentions so we may always be in obedience to Allah.
:') 


After exchanging details, he asked what was my plan for the future, when did I plan to nikah. I said I wanted to be married within this year, probably December, as I mentioned before. He wanted to confirm if it was my parents wish or mine (my father didn't want a long engagement for us) so I said, both. There were only two possible dates, Syawal or December when there was quite a long holiday. Anyhow, those were for our parents to discuss.


All in all, it was a very short and straightforward taaruf process. I did get to know a little about the kind of person he was while we were in BAIK, albeit from a distance. What was the use of getting to know a person for too long anyway, as you only really know a person after you marry him. 


To cut a long story short, on 26th February his family came for merisik. Just before starting clinical training. For me I didn't think it was necessary, why not just straight to bertunang since it's the same thing anyway, but my father is old school, he wanted to follow all the process, n he said I could get two rings -_-" Ayah, ayah..

During the merisik they discussed when our engagement and nikah would be held. Of course, I wasn't at the scene to witness this. My brother came inside the room where I was waiting and said 'Ayook Ana kau bertunang empat bulan je' 
What he meant was, we were to be engaged in August and married four months after that, in December. Kurang asam punya abang, saje je bikin suspen -_-' 

What never ceases to amaze me is that my father accepted him even without meeting him. I think I gave a picture, I don't really remember, and a few details about him and his family. He was so accepting.
No long interview or hesitance, alhamdulillah:) 
He probably knew I was a sensible girl and knew how to choose a husband for myself ;) Perasan~


The first time my two heroes met was the day we arrived at the airport, two days before our merisik. Our parents met, our mothers on one side and our fathers on the other. The table couldn't fit us all, so we had to sit at the sides. Tak tahu nak pandang mana masatu >.< Tengok kasut jelah jawabnya.
  
We got engaged on 25th August, there was drama before that as well as my now father in law suggested for us to get married instead of engaged one month before the date!
Both of us were fine with that, except my dad who wanted me to marry on the same day as my sister. Raya wasn't possible since her future FIL was in Italy for training. Besides, there was no way all the documents would be finished on time! So no can do, tunang je lah jawabnya.

24th December, we were married finally. Alhamdulillah, after a year + it all began :)

Pretty simple, no drama, each step was given ease by Allah throughout the process, alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah... 


24/12/2012 in one lafaz, we were united :)


What happened between February and December? Nothing much, we continued on as people who were ajnabi. 
In October we returned home to settle all the forms, kursus, medical checkup and whatnot, and also my sister in law's wedding in JB. That was the only time our two families met before the wedding, since Selangor and JB isn't a stone's throw away.

So apart from our parents who sometimes 'kirim barang' to us, and once to settle the marriage preparations, we never met except for our weekly ta'lim in Sukagalih, all the time acting like the other didn't exist (malu ok!)
Whenever there was a need to discuss anything, we did, but never through calls since it didn't seem necessary. I was busy anyways, starting my clinicals at the hospital, with three large departments before the marriage, internal medicine, pediatrics and O&G. There was never any 'tanya kabar' as well, just thought that would be weird since he was close by, maybe it was ego too :j 

After the marriage, we both said the other was too sombong :))

But insyaAllah, we wanted Allah to bless us, our planned union, although we weren't perfect but we did our best to maintain our relationship with each other and Allah. We were tested, most of them after we were engaged in August with a few issues, but alhamdulillah in the end everything turned out fine.


Now we're waiting for our little bundle of joy to arrive... 

5 weeks biiznillah and we'll start another journey together as parents :)

Dearest Muhammad Arif, I love you with all my heart, fiLlah, and I'll never be able to thank Allah enough for blessing me with you :)

You have been Allah's greatest gift to me, although I feel I am forever undeserving.
Allah has lend us to each other, so may this union bring us closer to Him and his forever Jannah.


We've started this baitulmuslim, and may we continue to build this baitulmuslim together...

Until Jannah, insyaAllah.
Ameen.



22nd September 2013.

Two days away from 9 months of marriage, and counting insyaAllah~


biiznillah~

p/s: Before anything happened sometimes my friends would tease me with him, one of them saying that usually the amir&amirah would end up getting married like her sis and brother-in-law. That was a few years earlier when we were just given that responsibility. I said, tak mungkin. Reject2. I guess you should never say never.

p/s2: Sometimes when some akhwats say how no one wants them, why not try putting some effort then ( I know some already have^_~), since there is an honorable way for us to find spouses while maintaining our dignity. Of course, everything starts with improving ourselves as an abid of Allah...

Sa’id Al-Bunany Rahimahullah mengatakan: “Dahulu aku bersama Anas dan ada anak perempuannya di sisinya. Anas berkata: “Datang seorang perempuan kepada Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alaihi wa Sallam dan mengatakan: “Wahai Rasulullah apakah engkau berhajat kepadaku (untuk menikah)?”. Anak perempuan Anas berkata: “Betapa kurang rasa malunya, wa sauatah !! wa sauatah !! (ungkapan sedih ketika seseorang melihat sebuah perbuatan)”. Anas berkata: “Dia lebih baik darimu, dia menginginkan Nabi Sallallahu ‘Alaihi wa Sallam maka dia menawarkan dirinya padanya”. (Hadith Riwayat Bukhari)
Kata Syaikh Badruddin Mahmud Al-Aini : Kata-kata Anas Radhiyallahu Anhu kepada anak perempuannya, menunjukkan bahawa harus seorang wanita menawarkan diri untuk dinikahi oleh seorang lelaki yang soleh, dan diketahui bahawa wanita itu melamarnya kerana kesolehan dirinya, atau kerana kemuliaan dirinya, atau kerana nilai-nilai beragama yang wujud pada dirinya, dan itu tidaklah mencacatkan maruah wanita tersebut bahkan menunjukkan kepada ketinggian jiwa wanita tersebut. ( Umdatul Qari ala Syarh Al Bukhari )

For me, Islam empowers women in allowing us to choose her own spouses. If someone comes to her in offer of marriage and she is disagreeable, she can easily say no. So there is no difference vice versa. 
Marriage is no small thing... There are some things we can be shy about, there are some things we shouldn't be. 

We could easily wait, and who's to say there haven't been any to offer their hand, no? 
But choosing a spouse is like deciding our heaven and hell. If you feel that someone isn't right, maybe they aren't. As long as you have a valid reason in saying no... 

Anyway, there are a few other sources I've read, but am currently unable to find them, and laptop is in Bandung. InsyaAllah later...

So there goes my story.. Puas la hati korang yang nak tau cerita kan..? haha. gitulah ceritanya... 

Someone once said: "Marriage does not need love for a start. But blessing is."

Hopefully there's something beneficial somewhere. A little, if not much.

Until next time...

Currently 35 weeks pregnant, 35 days to go if baby follows the schedule ^_^
May Allah ease...
Pray for us, please?

3 Responses so far.

  1. dr.radzi says:

    Ecececeh....
    Alhamdulillah, im happy for both of u. My juniors =p

  2. Anonymous says:

    Salam, kak farhana. I actually just stumbled upon your blog while searching about the topic. I am so glad i did. Alhamdulillah. I am in a middle of the situation actually and i have some questions to ask if you dont mind.

    basically what were the questions you ask your husband at the time. I find it very hard to ask the person any questions as i dont really know him. i know i should have my own personal questions but it would be nice if there is any examples. hehe. andddd i wanted to msg you privately about this but i dunno how haha. oh well. hopefully you would reply and jazakillah in advanced :)

  3. Salam anonymous. Lol.

    Sorry I just noticed your comment. Hope it's not too late.

    Anyhow you can email me at drfarhana88@gmail.com I guess it would be more comfortable. Or pm me on facebook - Farhana Yem

    Would be glad to help. May Allah ease :)

Reminder for the soul

“Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengetahui kematian, tapi mengapa ia masih tertawa;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang tahu bahawa dunia adalah sementara, tapi mengapa ia sangat mencintainya;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengetahui semua urusan telah ditakdirkan, tapi mengapa ia takut kehilangan;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengetahui bahwa hisab adalah suatu kepastian, tapi mengapa ia tetap mengum
pulkan harta dan menghitung-hitungnya;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengetahui panasnya api neraka, tapi mengapa ia tetap berbuat dosa;

Aku hairan dengan orang yang mengaku mengenal Allah, tapi mengapa ia meminta tolong kepada selain-Nya;

Aku hairan kepada orang yang mengaku mengetahui kenikmatan syurga, tapi mengapa ia merasa hidup tenang di dunia;

Dan aku hairan kepada orang yang mengetahui syaitan adalah musuhnya, tapi mengapa ia mentaatinya.”

Uthman bin Affan Radhiyallahu anhu
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