Arif. Farhana. His initial is the ending of my name, and mine the ending of his. I just noticed this. So if you want to make a twitter hashtag it doesn't matter who's name goes first.... (roll eyes)
Ok, such a random opening.
Yes, I am engaged to be married.
Who is my fiance? The person named above, obviously~
It's been approximately xxx days from the day we've been (formally) engaged. Formally? How about informally? That's just another story waiting to be told,(maybe not).
It has already been awhile between the day I write and the date I actually publish this post. We decided to wait until we've finished all the formal preparations, the forms, interviews (Johoreans have to go through an interview first) and whatnot before announcing this impending marriage to everyone. Impending. Writing this, even I cannot believe what's actually happening (insyaAllah) and whenever the reality hits me I'm facing all these jumbled up feelings. Of excitement, happiness, and all those good feelings, that's a given.
But there's also feelings of dread, of intense fear that I'm not going to be a good wife (see, I can't believe I'm writing the word 'wife'), about everything that could possibly go wrong, about not finishing the preparations in time(bridezilla me..), being with a person you don't really know (you never truly know someone until you actually live with them, right), about your life changing so quick and the adjustments and so many things~
I don't actually live in fear, don't you worry though. The time will come when you will understand. Chewah.
These episodes, they keep me grounded because if not, I'd only be on cloud nine 24-7 thinking about all the good and happy stuff. These, are my reality checks. To keep a balance on things so you don't get too overwhelmed.
Life is totally gonna change. And it already has..
Four months is such a short time to prepare all the preparations, especially being an intern at a hospital with such a limited amount of free time. !_! I'm already having a heart attack just imagining the time I have to actually do something. But you know, stress is just something to push us through. If you don't have stress, you don't move. Just change everything for the positive... *mentally psyching myself up
Marriage is said to be 'mitsaqan ghaliza', the solemn covenant... You're completing half your deen. If you don't feel anything, the weight of the reality you're facing, there must be something not quite right with you.
It's called mitsaqan ghaliza for a purpose...
First and foremost, remember that we marry only and truly because of Allah. Only because of Him.
Because if we depend on Him, He is All-Living and will never Die.
That was the intention from the beginning and which must be renewed all the time. Our niat...
Whenever I start to have doubts and fears (I'm only human), slowly but surely Allah eases them away...
His Planning is the best Plan of all, and He put you to it, He will definitely get you through it..
Yes, sometimes I'm ashamed by how He gives me kind and gentle reassurance that I'm doing the right thing... be giving me peace of mind and easing our way forward...
Someone told me that if whatever our plan is expedited and given ease, then it is what He wants to happen... because that's what we ask for in our istikharah, for Him to give ease, if this is good for our deen, then make it easier for us to achieve it, and make us pleased with it... Alhamdulillah...
There's so many things to do and so many realities to grasp... May Allah ease! ...and let Him ever be the cause...
Sometimes people put too much emphasis on the ceremony and not the marriage itself.
Whereby the marriage is the most important thing of all. And the most important provision you need is IMAN and TAQWA. Thank you for these beloved people that keep reminding this to me, alhamdulillah may Allah grant you and us jannah~!
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| Credit to niksyu. Such light words in the mouth but brings heavy weight in akhirah. |
This journey has barely started, and I ask for your kind du'a that everything will go well. That Allah guides us all the way through..Pray for me, and for us. Send us your silent prayers, and the angels will pray the same for you as well :)
For those du'a already sent to us, may Allah bless you. It's indescribable, the feeling when people pray for you. *smile*
p/s: Suddenly experiencing a feeling of sadness and loss. I guess it's okay if in moderation, no? :')
Too many of the people closest to me can't make it in December. I feel............but they must feel the same way too.
"The people who seem the strongest are usually the most sensitive & the ones who take care of others are usually the ones who need it the most..."
In the end... Allahul musta'an. Return everything to Him:)
p/p/s: Watched a lecture by Sheikh Tawfique Choudhury... about the preparations for marriage. And the best preparation you can make is to improve the relationship with Allah! Because Allah is the one Holding our hearts in his Hands. And through His love, we can love His creations. May Allah bless him. You can search it on youtube.
Your Truly,
The sensitive one, they say.
p/s post agak err tak tahu nak kata apa
Barakallah kak Ana :)